Recent rape and murder of a female doctor in Kolkata has raised nation wide alarm just like Nirbhaya rape case did in 2012. It is evident even after the Nirbhaya case perpetrators were hanged there is no deterrence in rape crime. There is no doubt the issue of women’s safety bugs the nation. Kolkata with its prominence in social reforms, culture and intellect has failed to make it safe for its women. Kolkata women are educated and progressive in nature. Bengali women have joined workforce since long. Widow remarriage is nothing new in this part of the country and it is said Women are Stree Shakti and the people here pray to goddesses every year with such pomp and glory. However the same feeling of respecting women is not reflected on the streets. The shocking incident of RG Kar is a testimony of what is wrong regarding women safety.
There are protests being organized, social media is flooded with anger and memes to create awareness against hate crime against women, but the authors feel this armchair protest and keyboard warriors achieve nothing to curb the crime. The current author has left Kolkata in 2005 and stayed in Mumbai, Pune, Hyderabad, Guwahati for last 19 years. His maximum time was spent in Mumbai (10 years), Pune (5 years), Guwahati (2 years). Snob high nosed Bengalis from Kolkata had always jeered “Non Bengalis” and passed snide remarks about their culture. However I saw no eve teasing and roadside Romeos in Mumbai, Pune or Guwahati for last so many years. Kolkata and Bengal is still a hotbed of eve teasing. There is a strong undercurrent of dowry, domestic violence, eve teasing and lack of support for working women beneath surface veneer of cultural sophistication in Bengal. Many Bengali women are still trying to break the glass ceiling. However, the so called “Uncultured” states of India according to Bengali genteel bhadralok, do not exhibit eve teasing culture. Mumbai, Pune and Guwahati are safe for women according to me. In Mumbai, at midnight female passenger is safe in a local train. At any time of the day Mumbai is safe for women. I have stayed for a pretty long time in Powai, Navi Mumbai and taught in Xavier’s Mumbai. I never seen fear in the faces of my girl students in Pune, Mumbai or Guwahati. In Pune I had stayed in Viman Nagar and Lohegaon without seeing any eve teasing cases. In Guwahati I never see boys in groups teasing women and passing lewd comments, however in Bengal it is still the case. “Rokbaji” they say is rampant in Kolkata. Groups of young men with teacups and cigarettes in hand are seen to tease any passing girl. In localities or “Para” as they say boys find vicarious pleasure in making lewd comments, ogling, jeering and teasing women. In the lanes and bylanes of Kolkata eve teasing is a common pastime of young men. Staring is not an offence. These are the same boys who join plum IT jobs out of Kolkata and want submissive women to marry them and take care of their domestic work. Boys are not trained from young age to take care of their daily household chores. Most of the Bengali educated families train their boys to excel in study and get plum jobs. They are all dubbed as “Brilliant” “Gem” “Studious” and then they behave as entitled men bossing over their women. Most of them marry not for a loving partner but for someone who will settle in happy domesticity and take care of their “Sansar”. I have seen many of these bachelors accommodation in Mumbai and Pune and I dub them as Pigsty. Only a marriage rescues these high earning bachelors from unkempt household and brings some order.
Reams have been written on how to train our men so that rape crime is prevented but nobody talks about the actual methods to train these boys. The actual education comes from the household where parents teach the equality concept and no gender bias to their boys. From the dining table they learn girls have equal share of nutrition. Many mothers try to feed their boys with bigger pieces of fish and chicken than their girls. From the kitchen the boys must learn how to cook and clean as a basic survival skill not to think this is a woman’s job. They must learn how to iron clothes, keep their room tidy and belongings neat. They must understand they can also make a cup of tea when their working wives come home and do the laundry. They can also participate in their child’s school education, most of the mothers actually take care of school level education in India. It is time fathers learn how to educate their child at home and prepare them for school. Going to “Bajaar” should not be the only prerogative of these entitled males, they have to bring in participation in domestic chores.
When a parent decides to allocate funds for future education for both boys and girls should be equally dealt with. It should never be like saving for daughter’s marriage and son’s education whereas a daughter’s education takes backseat. The concept of bias free upbringing begins from ancestors. If the fathers stops getting privileges like not cooking, cleaning ; continues watching TV reading newspapers and ordering tea and coffee then the boys will learn how domestic chores are not priority of a woman.
The recent rape case may have different cause, there may be ugly details getting unearthed but overall, I feel respecting women begins at home and the society. It is high time our boys learn and the parents advice accordingly.
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Author
Dr Biswa Prasun Chatterji, PhD (IIT Bombay)
Professor, Faculty of Science
Assam down town University
